it was REYUD velvet trim andninnit fit me guud

this song really inspires me to be a fancy whore. i've decided that i want to be more androgynous. long term goals. i just cut my hair. i only shaved the side for now, but drew out some blueprints. i totally have a vision but cutting your own beavertail to look more skunky is a lot harder than it sounds. i think i might wear my reba shirt to school today. i wish i had a satin dancin' dress.

yesterday i straightened my hair and wore a denim jacket and some cowboy boots. i looked like a girl and it was a total success. a total success in attention-whoring and self-esteem boosting. i am 95% confident the number of goofy statistic teacher smiles exceeded the average.

she handed me a heart shaped locket that said
"to thine own self be true"
and i shivered as i watched a roach crawl across the toe of my high heeled shoe

identity crisis boy

She's A Mess

I saw a lot of things today on my way to get drug tested. An interstate death, a funny wigger/gangsta trio, and an old flirty doctor guy. The middle one is the one worth talking about. Briefly. I was there for one thousand years again. Of course. I don't know why it takes sooooo fucking long to get people through the line when there is a place especially for drug tests and the tests take 5 minutes. But that's the way of it. I was entertained by a large, blonde girl with golden corn rows. Her friends had accompanied her there for moral support as she got her tonsils removed. They each looked like a rapper. One looked like Eminem and the other like Lil' Wayne. They looked at all the celebrity news magazines and read their horoscopes, which suggested that they would all be "gettin' sum" tonight. Then there was news of a party. Where would the party be?! Golden Corn Rows frantically called people to organize and plan and finally arrived at the conclusion that the party would be at Bumper's place. "Deys gon' be a party at Bumpa's." I identified most with her. Lil' Wayne was a virgo. Golden Corn Rows is going to hook him up with Red who is the sister of her baby daddy. Red also has a baby daddy, but he is no longer in the picture and therefore she is free for Lil' Wayne to rail. From what Eminem said, "Bitch got sum fine ass legs and her mama and daddy got a lotta paperrr." Lil' Wayne was down. Then Kevin called. Kevin is Golden Corn Rows' baby daddy. From what I could tell, just from hearing Golden Corn Rows' side, the conversation went something like this:

Kevin: Where are you?
Golden Corn Rows: Da docta.
Kevin: Are you pregnant?
Golden Corn Rows: Hell nah! You ask that eva' time I come to da docta.
Kevin: Why are you at the doctor's office?
Golden Corn Rows: Cause! I'm coughin' up green shit and my throat's all red.
Kevin: [insert something infuritating]
Golden Corn Rows: BYE KEVIN.

After that I learned a lot about Golden Corn Rows' baby and that Lil' Wayne's sister's baby would not be named Junior.

Golden Corn Rows: Wass ya sista gon' name hurr babee? I hope it ain't anotha Juniah.
Lil' Wayne: Hell nah it ain't no Juniah.

I will fix this later, but right now my neighbor is offering free high quality lagers.


Grill

sick

here's some artists i'm really digging at the moment. some dear friends and loyal blog followers (two whole people) have told me they like reading this blog but never watch the videos. well friends, that's pretty fucking gay. maybe if you listened to the blog a minute your music tastes wouldn't suck dick. makin words is really hard for me sometimes, especially about my ~personal life.~ in the revered words of reverand lohan, "that's personal, i don't talk about my personal life." but everone knows lindsay lohan looooooves talking about her personal life. do you guys read her twitter? i don't even have a twitter, but shit is goooood, man. she is always bitching about how she needs "SUBSTANISAN" friends or something crazy. i can relate. i ran out of my crazy meds a few days ago. my brain and lips feel tingly and my sleep schedule got all FUBARed, but i haven't tried to kill myself yet!!! (you may have noticed that i reverted back to lower case letters. that means i don't take myself seriously. FUBARed means "fucked up beyond all reason," and my 14 year old brother told me.) my insurance company is giving me shit about my drugs. you can't just change drugs all up on somebody. did i mention that i got arrested and lost my license? i don't know. but driving drunk costs a shit ton of money and i wouldn't suggest it. community college is stupid. oh yeah, i go to community college. my dad lost his job. WOE IS ME. i have gained 80 pounds. that's okay though. my plan is to lose 30 next week.

lindsey (not lohan) has been spreading vicious rumors about me, that i am into "big chicks." i really just wish i had some SUBSTANISAN FRIENDS. girl you know i'm playin. okay, so i like titties, and i like the full figured african descendant. so what lindsey? so. fucking. what. i don't think you're ready for this jelly. i'm going to fuck a whale carcass and make a hoodie from its intestines. that will teach all yall motherfuckers to label my sexuality. i am actually just bullshitting a blog entry right now since you losers love ~reading~ so goddamn much. if i wasn't so pale i would dye my hair yellow. it is really hard to find pictures of good rattails or good yellow hair on the internet. believe me. gotta wait until after my court date tho! luulzzzz


this photograph is symbolic. open to interpretation.


wow guys. this blog was deeply personal. shew, lemme wipe the beads of sweat from my brow.

keep it buttery brown yall

boyyyyyy

credit in the real world gets you high

boy

ineedahaircutsobad

i dreamed about vampires again. this time i was turned into a vampire, not solely stalked prey. i had only my two vampire friends and i was new. i wasn't very good at it, but they were showing me the ropes. (i wouldn't be surprised if i actually was cursed to an eternity as third wheel.) vamp pals burned holes in my parents' bed from fucking on it and i was worried about what would happen when my parents got home to see their bed fucked up. they pointed out how trivial it was, considering i was dead. we were bored and needed something fun to do. i asked them the best place they had ever killed anyone and they answered "the grocery store." how clever, eating people in a grocery store. i suggested we go to walmart to find victims. i was planning on waiting in the pet section, watching the fish, until someone i wanted came along. i would lure them into the bathroom. it felt like the safest place to devour someone, considering my need for practice. i overheard the female friend say to her boyfriend, "we don't even have any pills." she was wanting to get fucked up before we went to walmart. killing someone wasn't enough excitement. i guess nothing is ever enough once you get bored. i woke up before i got to kill anyone.



brandon

Daddy Wasn't A Glass Maker

I went to a Zombie Apocalypse 21st Birthday Chapel Hill party this weekend! I told you guys I was going. It was a really successful event. I got drunk, danced like a maniac (matrix shit), hit on random zombies, and screamed the lyrics to "Bad Romance" at least five times before the night was over. I made out with a couple of people and succeeded in losing my phone also. Someone has my poor phone. You know, the one that doesn't have a battery cover or a working front display. Somewhere some asshole is putting my tata's on the internet. Oh well... everyone knows that's just how you get famous (don't even pretend like you don't know). We also had a surprise visit from the fabulous Jenny B and her man. The level of fly that we were all on is really indescribable. I'm sure there will be unflattering pics to reveal soon enough. Good times all around.





As Stefani Germanotta she looks exactly like this Arabic (?) chick from the party. I'm pretty sure she was one of my unfortunate victims.



Have you ever seen anything this beautiful?! Virgin Mary pose! French! If anything just listen to that bitch trying to show Lady Gaga up at about 5:00 (courtesy of Paul).

OMG! Brandon just showed me Lady Gaga's performance on tonight's AMA's!!! Genius! I really hope he blogs it for y'all soon.

Moral: Those who live in glass houses should not live near Lady Gaga.

Lyn-z (working on my diva alter ego)

Folgers Coffee Singles: Best Invention Of The 21st Century

Saw Deadmau5 last night!!! The show was great and I had tons of fun!! I mean, besides all the sweaty ass guys with no shirts on. They were not fun, but that's always the way of it at shows like that. Anyway, the light show was spectacular. The guy who was on before him was not so good. Very mediocre dance music. I think me and DJ Guillotine could have done better. (Not.) Good times though. Fun people, shitty dancing, NO alcohol or substance abuse on our parts. I know right?! I wanted to, but those four forties sitting in the fridge are not mine and I am a reliable, trustworthy person. I am hanging out with Paul this weekend!! We are going clubbing on Friday night and then Jamie (of the Hungry Sisters) invited us to go to Chapel Hill with her on Saturday for a zombie party and everybody knows how I feel about zombies.

I have a pressing concern to report to you all. I think someone is trying to kill my downstairs neighbor. See, we have these crazy ass mother fuckers who live in a house right beside our apartment building and they've started trying to hang out here. Well the old crazy mobster one named Bill is the one who causes the most trouble, but there is also one who cuts his face and wears leopard pants. His hair sticks out from all directions and he freely told me that he was schizophrenic and refused to take medicine for it. Anyway, they've already went to my neighbor's work and passed a threat on to his co-worker and recently I've heard them screaming for him to open the door. A lot. This morning at 6 am I heard a ferocious pounding on his door. It was relentless and eventually gave way to kicking. Or what sounded like kicking. I suppose it could have been Bill's fat, over sized fists. Then I heard him scream the guy's name. I know it was Bill because I watched him get in his car and drive to his house. That wasn't all. He apparently walked over and continued the angry hammering at the door. Needless to say, I was pissed off and ready to go down there and bitch somebody out. But when I thought about how crazy they were and the fact that they seemed to be trying to murder my neighbor, I decided against it. Anyway, I am just saying all of this so if my neighbor turns up dead, the cops can use this as evidence or testimony or something. Haha. I hope that doesn't happen, but you never know. I think it would be fun to dress up in all black with a ski mask, sneak out my back door with a baseball bat and then come around the front when they are making that ungodly commotion and just beat the living shit out of them both.


That's how I feel about the situation. I think that might be everyone's favorite Hercules song. I know it's mine.


Or that. Look at that schnoz. What a whopper. The bang is nice too.


If Lady Gaga had been Lady Gaga back when Hercules came out, I'm sure this song would have been on the soundtrack. I think that song will have a video. I got that feelin'.

Girl