Turning Mexican

I've been meaning to sit down and write a blog for a while. Just been waiting for the right time. Like after I've just sat in the bathtub for two hours trying to entice the cat into the water with me. She will sit on the ledge and let her tail flop in the water about four inches. Just enough so that it sags and drips when she jumps down. But that's not a new trick. She's been performing it for Leah for a long time.

I saw Unknown Hinson the Friday before Halloween. It was pretty fun. Boy, Leah and my cousin Kyle came too. Well, Leah and Boy sipped whiskey from a Pepsi bottle in bar bathrooms while Kyle and I gushed over the King of Country Western for three hours. It was a great show but not as good as the one I attended with Jamie (of the Hungry Sisters). He told more jokes at the first one and I mean Jamie did get a missed connection. I'm not sure how much better it can get. I met him this time, though. Got some merch signed. WON 200 HUNDRED DOLLARS AT A BAR. Almost forgot about that. Yeah I did. Thanks to Leah's friend. Put my name in a drawing and won 200 hundred bucks while a band who played nothing but bad 90's radio rock fist pumped to my victory. I was pretty drunk, but I still pulled off one of those price-is-right faces.

I was going to do an 18 day clinical study two weeks from now, but that sort of fell through and now I'm scheduled to do it in January. I know 18 days sounds balls to the wall, but get this: My girlfriend is doing a five hour study next Monday where they stick a catheter in her jugular vein and then send a wire through it all the way up to the bottom of her ear. Then they put an oxygen mask on her and take the O2 levels up and down. They do all of this to measure how much oxygen gets to her brain at different levels of exposure while she's wearing this Robot Laser Helmet that is supposed to do the same thing only its non-invasive. Just testing the Robot Laser Helmet for accuracy before it goes on the market. You know, new technology. That probably makes us both sound like bums, but you have no idea how much money it pays. Plus its on a Monday and that's her weekly day off. What better way to spend your only day off a week?! Me? Well I'm just quitting my job all together. Guinea pig is the life for me.

Nah but we are actually moving back to Asheville at the end of December so she can finish her THREE CLASSES and graduate with some sort of Literature degree. I don't know. Something pretentious. Anyway, I won't have a job in January regardless so it works out.

I sold my snowboard. Not the new one, but my very first one. The one I've had countless embarrassing accidents and near death experiences on. Oh god, the cat nearly turned over my beer. I am drinking Modelo. Don't you dare judge me. I have probably been good and drunk one or two times over the past three months. Just because I am drinking terrible beer does not mean I'm an alcoholic with no money. Let's be clear. I happen work with a lot of Mexicans. And Kyle bought this.

I still love biking, even though I have been getting rides to work and back. I'm going to buy a bad ass bike as soon as I move. I want to join a team or something. I know there are some in Asheville. I would like to compete once just to see how bad I do.

My cat farts a lot. A lot. She's as delicate and pure as swan with the manners of a chimpanzee. Or maybe a cow. Yeah her farts are more like cow farts. They cloud up the room and hang heavily in the air. If you're not prepared, you could very well be shocked into unconsciousness and then smothered by the toxic fumes. She's totally aware too. That's the most uncomfortable part. She actually enjoys the smell of her gas. We've switched her to some fancy food and all but it doesn't help. I should probably stop feeding her cheddar cheese and yogurt from the table. My baby loves dairy.

I'm going to stop using shampoo. I've been reading about hair on the internet. It sounds like the best thing to do. All those harsh chemicals I'm putting in my hair everyday?! Goodness no! Better use baking soda and vinegar so I can smell like a pickle at work. Perhaps my luscious mane will divert my co-workers' attention. But for real. I'm going to try it. I've read that some people only use water. That's right. WATER ONLY. My hair would look like a grease pit. But baking soda and vinegar is supposed to be a magical potion that will cure all your hair afflictions. If there's one thing I'm good at it's subscribing to herbal bologna. Maybe I'll document my experience here.

Well that's all I have. I'm waiting for Leah to get home from work so we can eat leftover Mexican food and watch a movie on the laptop. One of the three movies we own and have seen a thousand times. Two of which were stolen from the Conover public library. One year in and this is what we're reduced to. Science experiments, Sims 2, and Kill Bill vol. 1.

Girl