superbusy lifestuff

i'm in the library. i got an apartment tuesday night, but there is no electricity or water yet. wednesday morning i went for a drive to collect some waters for me and the roommate. it was really cold. i spilled said waters all in my lap and crashed my car into a tree. car is completely dead and i momentarily thought i was too. after flailing around like a wild animal who'd just been captured, i collapsed in the passenger seat and thought, "is this death?! is this hell?!" my car horn would not stop screaming and my doors were jammed shut. airbag air smells and tastes really bad. it was all very loud and unexpected and disorienting. the only thing i could think to do was jerk the ipod dock out of the dash. salem was resonating some ghoulish tunes, probably the kind of music they play in hell, but with much more hi-hats. the last time i totaled a car i was listening to the unicorns and i've never been able to listen to them since. they're obnoxious and abrasive and my cd skips. i was young and stupid and listening to awful music at the time. funny how that always happens.



it wasn't until yellow-shirted jogger came to inform me that i had been in a "terrible accident" that i came back to reality. i narrowly escaped purgatory. that man was very attractive and may have been bald jesus. i was surprisingly unharmed other than a few minor scrapes and bruises. miraculous.

this blog is brought to you by procrastination. i got a job writing online, which is both very dangerous and exciting. getting paid to write is a ~dream come true~ but the internet and i have this long sordid relationship where i waste my time, and it teases me relentlessly. i'm just kidding. i can blog all i want. this is writing practice. i have actually been doing research all morning on birth control, and i already wrote an article about robotic hysterectomies, which i never even knew existed. i dont know why all my assignments are so vaginal. i'm in some sort of rebirthing period, if you will. i'm learning a lot about vaginas and i've never even really had an interest, but i guess knowledge is power. my boss heard that i had a blog but i dont think this is the kind of blog for him. this is the kind of blog that gets you fired.* i also have another prospect for employment. starting monday i will lay tile and i'm pretty excited about that. a tile apprentice. it's some real classy shit too: beautiful craftsmanship, etc. i will have a tile trial-period for a few days to see if i am cut out for it. i hope i do a good job and am able to lift heavy materials. tiles are heavy. i need get buff so i can lift tiles in order to learn to make pretty things. that way i can ultimately own pretty things one day, by either making them or paying someone else to make them. i also need to learn how to drive a stickshift so i can get places. dis life shits a lotta work.

*dear future employers of the internet, if you do find this blog, i will have you know that there is a market for writing terrible and bullshitty things on the internet. check out this snippet from wikipedia:

"In 2002, Armstrong ignited a fierce debate about privacy issues when she was allegedly fired from her job as a web designer and graphic artist because she had written satirical accounts of her experiences at a dot-com startup on her personal blog, dooce.com."

dooce is pretty good. i'm not even a new mother or a former mormon, but i used to read her blog religiously. i had nothing better to do one summer. you should check it out sometime because you obviously have a lot of free time too.

love forever,
boy