i bs so hard i solve problems

dear blog,
i feel like i'm gonna throw up. i need to call my lawyer and tell his sexy receptionist all about my problems. i needed to beat all this shit into my keyboard so i wouldn't actually do that. and burst into tears while talking to sexy receptionist. i would hate to do that. she wears these really high black boots and fitted dresses and i wouldn't be surprised if she was a phone-sex operator on the side. i got a ticket yesterday. two of them. one for not wearing a seatbelt. the second for driving on a revoked license. revoked because i failed to appear in court last march. what?!??! how did this happen. i thought i had a limited driver's license for a year but apparently i am a fuckup, and a retard, and a bad american who doesn't deserve to operate a motor vehicle under any circumstance ever. who's driving this thing? who has the keys? i sure as hell don't. i want to run run run away until my heart explodes but i am not going to do that. i have a better plan. i want to move somewhere where i dont have to drive. real talk. one day. when i am older and wiser and better at saving money and working hard and caring. maybe i should move to an island with monkeys? idk. i sunburn easily. iceland. are there cars in iceland? i could just drive a snowmobile to work and buy fish at the market. jk. these are all iceland jokes. saturday was my birthday. i got real drunk and chopped all my hair off and looked like a lesbian puppy dog, but then i went to girl's house sunday and got her to fix it. it is very asymmetrical and awesome and i love it. i forgot that i am different. i went to school and all i could do was be entertained. the realization that "haha, oh yeah. you guys care how i look." is that weird? does that mean i am desperate for attention and slightly unaware? i dont know. maybe i really did forget that normal boys do not have a cascading waterfall of extended hitler youth mop top hair. but whatever, because i had a pretty good day regardless. british lit instructor canceled class because he was hot, "like sick hot." dude. me too. my blood pressure is off da charts. but i have been drinking gallons of water. i asked him if he wanted me to get him some water, and he told me that he was going to go back home and start his day over. this man is so much like me i find it bizarre. that is exactly what i would do, and have done, and want to do most days. just say "eff this day" and not drink water like i'm supposed to, or give a fuck about the anglo saxons. i know that british lit teacher likes beer. i was surprised by my understanding of riddles at 9 o clock in the morning. we were reading these riddles and one of them was totally about beer, and it was the one he said was his favorite. haha. what a funny man. so i was driving to school this morning. i am going to talk about that because i am all over the place and that's what makes me a terrible driver. i have this hair and i am driving to school illegally because my education is more important than the goddamn guv-ment and i'm wearing these clear green sunglasses that my friend bought me for my birthday a couple years ago and i tell myself that i am from the future and that is why i am a freak and i am going to help that drunk man feel better about his life.

also. lady gaga. blah blah blah.

just kidding about the blah blah blah. i mean that in an endearing way. i just dont feel like pretending like this is important, but it is entertaining. take note of the shoulder pads as an extension of shoulder and not the clothes. genius 80s shit. 2011 shit. i mean maybe it's important. i dont know. i watched this video at school today when i should have been researching universal health care, but lady gaga seems like a much more relevant social concept (maybe, ya know?) i think i watch too many music videos. or maybe the exact right amount. i think everyone needs to watch more music videos. learn a thing or two from this retarded bitch who pretends to know what she's talking about. everyone is boring and afraid of asymmetrical hair. it's gonna storm real good today. i can hear it starting and life is a pretty good music video.

boy