flannery o'conners

i never saw tron, but i downloaded the soundtrack because it was by daft punk. this song is incredibly un-daft-punky but it is very orchestrated and climactic. i bet it plays during a very intense and pivotal scene. you'll have to excuse the quality because i'm linking to a youtube video. you may not be able to hear a lack of quality, but i can, because i've been spoiled by what is good. grooveshark.com is a great musical resource. i know it is only a matter of time until users are forced to pay for the services, because these services are too good to be true. i don't know if it is compatible with smartphones because i honestly don't know jack squat about technology. i just find it very alluring and expensive, much like a religion. speaking of which, i have a small anecdote to tell. at my school there are no prerequisites for sociology courses, which means that i could skip all the basic bullshit and get to the fun stuff. there are only nine people in my class and i really like that atmosphere. it creates a safe environment for expression, and i get the opportunity to learn a lot about individuals that i would probably never care about. my instructor is also a very cool person. her teaching style is very relaxed and engaging. she also happens to be my dance instructor and she is amazing on her toes. (i am taking dance class and yoga again this semester because i stopped going last semester. ha.) she told the dance class on the first day that dancing was the most important thing in her life and that she wanted to teach it solely, but the school wouldn't allow that. that is an interesting thing, but the point of all this is that we're all going to turn into robots.

lately in sociology we've discussed how age and "old people" are treated in our society. we were talking about the abuse in nursing homes and i convinced my classmates that the mistreatment of elders would one-day be eliminated by robots. at first a couple people laughed, but i think it's totally real. no one wants to take care of old people because they are viewed as deficient and helpless, and i think technology will advance to a point until we are entirely dependent on machines rather than fellow humans. the personalism will be lost for a period, at least until the machines take control, or everything is lost by nasty viral warfare. earlier today i read an article predicting the future and it sounds completely ridiculous and slightly believable. i think it may have only been written for people my age who are on the internet too much. if these things did realize it would mean that by the time we're old, oldness could be a problem of the past. we may be completely obsolete. the last old people ever; the last old people on earth. when i am nearing the end of my life i might have the choice between dying peacefully and attempting to fight death forever. i don't know how living forever could possibly be a good thing, but i don't know because i've never done it. forever is a long time to wait around for a software malfunction.

the topic of old people initially sounded really boring for a classroom setting, but that is probably because i had never given old people enough thought. that's a perfect example of the problem: old people suck => i dont care about old people because they suck => i dont care about old people => old people suck. (lol logic.) this class has seriously made me see the world in a slightly different way. when i heard that sex and drugs were topics for intro sociology classes i was disappointed, but i guess that stuff is child's play. we've been talking about things that sound boring but are actually topics i've avoided. ok. that's the end of my small anecdote. new story.

my chemistry lab partner is good and cool. i don't know if i already mentioned her or not, but she is very asian. i don't mean that in a racist way, it is just evident that she has not had many interactions with people of other ethnicities. maybe i haven't either since her differences are so apparent to me, and i feel the need to comment on them, but that's beside the point. she is bad at grammar but good at math. she told me that she was not good at math because she was struggling in calculus 3. i informed her that her logic was ridiculous. she told me that a gay asian (THE gay asian, as i like to call him) said i was gay, so she wanted to know if it was true. she added that she meant no offense by it. i am glad i no longer find that sort of question offensive. i am now slightly offended that straight people think asking about sexual orientation is offensive. i'm not serious. nobody knows how to talk good. (one thing i did recently find offensive was that this older lady said i looked like carrot to, and i was all like, "bitch plz, u look like oprah in the color purple." that is a racist joke.) anyway, CLB (Chem Lab Partner) said that she has always wanted a gay best friend. she told me that her sister's best friend (who was also asian) turned out to be gay, that it made her sister uncomfortable, and she eventually stopped being friends with him. CLB thought this was unfortunate because he was always funny and fashionable. her eagerness to typecast made me slightly uncomfortable but i knew it was coming from a good place. it's funny how a compliment can get so lost in translation. CLB has a certain air about her that is assertive but reserved and friendly. at the beginning of the semester, when our instructor was calling role, she said, "HEAR!" in an incredibly fluid and assured tone. i asked her if she sang and when she said no, i tried to explain that her announcement of presence was very musical (sing-songy). i could tell that she didn't fully understand what i meant. i mean, maybe she did understand and maybe i'm just racist. i don't know, i'm just telling my side of things.

so here we are, present day. enough background. i went to school this morning at least an hour early. i was delirious and tired and thought that my british lit class started at 8 instead of 9, so i stumbly sauntered to the computer lab to work on some introductory psych homework. (a psych class is needed to "graduate" but is actually just a bunch of incoherent bullshit about how your eyes and ears work.) when i finally got to class i was much earlier than usual, and i saw in the reflection of a television screen that my CLB was coming to sit beside me instead of her asian (drug-dealer) associate. she told me that she got in a fight with her boyfriend, told him that she wanted to break up with him, but was very uncertain about whether or not she meant it. she disconnected his cell phone service while under the influence of emotion, and she told me that she got a lot of homework done while not speaking to him. she also told me that she was still waiting for him to apologize, but of course, he couldn't do that because she had disconnected his cellphone. i really like her way of thinking. she said that she didn't know if her bf really wanted to break up with her either, but he asked, "something something...well, why are we still together?" apparently that is all she heard. he asked because she was complaining about the nature of their relationship. she was complaining because she felt like he was being mean to her and not showing her enough respect. then her eyes got really heavy with thought and eyeliner, she looked away from me and said, "i feel a little sad, but i don't know what to do about it." i could see her fish brains swimming.

by this this point in class our instructor had finished calling role and was dismissing class. most days he takes attendance and tells us that he cannot stay. he is usually not feeling well, not prepared, or has a doctor's appointment for either himself or his mother. of course i think his excuses are legitimate, but i'm not always convinced that his absence is necessarily due to his reason. he had cancer in his face, or throat, or something. i don't remember what he told us, but i know that he is in very poor health. he is tall and unnaturally thin. his head is very small and has a slightly feminine shape. all these things are due to the radiation treatments. sometimes he has to stop talking in the middle of class because his jaws are cramping and he has lost the ability to salivate. he is very smart and funny, but i think he is probably very sad when he isn't on stage. i think he likes me though. i try to exude positive vibes in his direction. i make lots of eye contact and listen intently when he stumbles around in allegories. i've got a lot left to learn and i have some pretty cool teachers.

boy