eat my cookies bitch

girl already did a christmas blog. no fair!!! but yay christmas and snow and everyone huddling cozily around their computers.


this has nothing to do with christmas. i have taken it upon myself to see and hear everything bjork has ever done in her entire life. i really just like listening to her yell. christmas vacation! no school. too much food. i made cookie dough. i haven't made the cookies yet. they might be fucked up. i dont know what i'm doing but i gotta let this chill a minute. if they are not disgusting i will tell my friend to come over and eat them. the friend i told never to talk to me again. haha. tis the season. to not be a dick.


this is christmas! new mariah carey christmas. santa's gonna come and make ya mine ho ho ho. oh mariah. you vixen.

frin: i really want christmas food
frin: i really should have planned this better
boy: i'm eating carrots dipped in guacamole and salsa
boy: christmas!
frin: Christmas!
frin: motherfucker died three days and then rose again!
boy: whaaaaaaaaaaaaa
frin: o wait
frin: thats easter

boy

SNOW

Merry Christmas, baby dolls! It's a white Christmas here! It hasn't snowed on Christmas in ages around this boring town. I got a $150 set of anti aging products. Santa came through. Kenny Rogers is a hot old plastic surgery guy. I only mention him because I was watching parts of the Kenny and Dolly Christmas special from 1984. It's freakin' GOOD.



My sister and I watched this last night. We watch it every Christmas. It's seriously one of the greatest Christmas/Snow White remakes ever. LOVE. It's on CMT tonight if you care to try it out.

girl

Dark Side

Well, Blog. I went to jail last night. I got a DUI. It's not a good story. It is neither exciting or unexpected. I sobbed like a small child. I blew a .17. That is a whole lot, as I'm sure you know. I wasn't blacked out or anything. Just very drunk. I deserved to get pulled and I'm glad I did. There is no way I would have made it home otherwise. I am very ashamed. This has ruined a lot of things. Hopefully it won't destroy my relationship. I guess I forgot to tell you all that I'm dating someone. I'll tell you more on that subject a little later. When things don't seem so dismal. I don't think I will be drinking again for a long time. And I can say with absolute certainty that I won't be drinking and driving anymore. Or driving at all for that matter. Ha! I guess this is the the darker, less enjoyable side of being a Goonie.

girl

lights camera action

holy shit blog. i just had a bizarre 15-minute chunk of life. i was bored and trying to get sleepy but all i could think about was my wallet and how i was uncertain of it's location. these are the sorts of things that keep me up at night. "where is my love? where the fuck is my money? i am bored. i want to eat a buncha carbs. maybe if i masturbate i will get sleepy. i have homework to do. how can these bitches be on tv?" well anyway. i found my wallet in my car after braving the blistering cold. i looked inside and found three dollars. hark! a christmas miracle. 3 more dollars than i thought i had. i decided i could drive to the only 24-hour grocery store i knew of in the county. it was 1:50! i had 10 minutes. i had to run back inside and change out of the sweatpants and oversized hoodie. i can't be looking like a crazy person if i want to buy beer at 2 am. 2 am is the cutoff. so i do this. i maintain a healthy speed of 5mph over the speed limit, at least until i see these strange lights that may be headlines or may be lights along someone's driveway. they look very odd and i had to slow down significantly to assess their safet. flo rida tells me how the club caint even handle him right now. i know, flo rida. we outta control. i get there. the only girl in the bi-lo says, "if you're buying beer you better hurry." i respond with, "i know, and i am." i get 2 40s and it's exactly 3 dollars. she remarks on how odd that is, without even knowing that its all the cash i have. i reminded her that 3 was a magic number. i leave bi-lo feeling high on success, when my brother texts me, "your hood is up, put it down. you're going to die." or something along those lines. something about my car and my imminent doom. so i'm driving home, probably speeding, due to the exhileration of having purpose at 2-am. i encounter the car that's pulled off the side of the road again, but this time there's another car on the other side, facing the opposite direction. i think it is probably a cop. i get closer, i'm still going fast. i see that it is not a cop and it starts pulling away. SUDDENLY! the woman runs out into the middle of the road to stop the leaving car. i almost killed her! i slammed on the breaks. she moves in slow motion with flailing limbs, bent knees and a floppy body. she is in disarray, and clearly fucked up out of her mind on substances or fear. it was so strange. all these random occurences exploded in my memory. the last 15 minutes: realizing it's almost 2, finding 3 dollars, exact change for 40s, 5mph over the speed limit, almost smashing into a bitch. i could have killed her. seriously. it freaked me out. i was exactly on time. i could have killed her and not only been caught slaughtering crackheads but also driving without a license with two king cobras in my car. i narrowly escaped an awful future.

i haven't wrote anything here in a while. i need you to sample these musics so you can know where i am.


lindsey brought this to my attention. it is such a good song. it is on some commercial and every time i hear the commercial i think of Girl and this song and how awesome they are. and i think about my life and chasing tracks. i looked into this laura veirs chick a little and she has an amazing song called "drink deep." it is not necessarily an amazing song to the ears but it has fantastic lyrics. you'll have to look those up for yourself though because i aint your internet bitch. do your own research.


i also really like this song right now. i think this is exactly what would be playing in my spaceship as i accelerate towards the future. onward and upward, to infinity and beyond. i have been thinking about a lot of silly metaphors lately, like being lost in space and running marathons to escape heart attacks. i do not care to explain. even though i haven't been blogging very much i've been trying to write thoughts. i think it's important. it's important to me. i need a good book. and a boyfriend. and future. and some christmas presence.

kbye. BOYZZZ

O GOD

Well it has been a while since either of us have posted. But I deleted my secret blog so I'll probably be here a lil' more. Anyway, shit's been goin' down, y'all. Not really. I totaled my car!!! I ran a red light and crashed into some girl in a Lexus. Boy was she pissed. Nah, she wasn't. She was cool. Her mom was extra cool. I guess she saw that I was about to vomit. No one got hurt. I am in the process of purchasing another car. Instead of a spaceship I have opted to downgrade to a trash can with wheels. Why? I'll tell you why. I can pay cash for it and not be in debt. I figured it up and I'd save about 4000 a year without a car payment. So fuck financing. Anyway that's something. Um. Oh I threw up again. The other night I met my old neighbor and his girlfriend at a bar that I've never been to and they bought me shots one right off the other. Then I drank this sickening cider whiskey drink. It was awful. It tasted like hot, Christmasy death. God. I wasn't even very drunk. I just walked outside when we got home and sat on the stairs and stuck my finger down my throat. It was very orderly and professional. I don't ever want warm liquor again. Ever. Hm. Nothing else has happened. I am bored usually. Boring always. I haven't made any music or beaten any video games or even stayed up past 8:30pm on a weeknight. Things are getting seriously out of hand. But I love work and it's totally worth my this cloud of dullness that has settled over my life. LOL. But by my calculations I should be California bound in a year or so. YAY! Everything is fun. The Navy still hasn't called. I hate them. They will call me at some inconvenient time, I'm sure. Oh! My sister cut my hair today and now I look like Luke Skywalker. I'm thinking about just wearing my Obi Wan Halloween costume from a few years ago and carrying around a lightsaber. I don't think it would be inappropriate. Anyway, yeah. That's all I got.