Huh Uh No Way

So 'merk' is the sweetest word. It took me a while to realize it's true value.

I'ma talk about sum thangs. To start, my flight to San Jose is happening. We get to lay over in Denver for three hours. I'm kinda pumped about that. I won't be eating anything at all what-so-ever for the whole trip. The ticket drained me entirely. Soooo, I'm just going to have to live on excitement and adventure for a few days or else I'll just be merked. Ummm... I hate all men. Except Brandon, of course. And most other men I know. So really I only hate like one dude and he better watch out because I could totally merk him in the face and not think twice about it. My parents want to merk me and that's totally fine. I am so excited to see Alex! Annnnd... I'm still stuck on you.


She just really loves that boobie. I think if I had been a real person in 1991 and not a lame ass three-year-old I would totally have been at that show. In New Amsterdam?


Soooo hot. The Pet Shop Boys are just dolls. I don't really know what that one Pet Shop's job is. I think he is just the lookout or body guard or something. Keepin' an eye out so his gay counterpart don't get merked in front of the West End toy shop.

gurl

easier said than done

you can't always control what defines you




p.s. i'm in best buy right now

brandon

social networking

someone commented on lindsey's blog saying they liked us better lame. i liked that comment, especially since you included a semi colon. that semi colon really throws me off. who could have used a semi colon? i have ideas. just now. i just got an idea.

some complete stranger added me on myspace. i have a myspace too. i think i use a myspace how a 20 year old should, if they so choose to make a myspace for a the hundredth time. this complete stranger is not the idea. just so you know. i like him because he speaks in complete non sequiturs. non sequiter is two words. are two words. my computer is telling me i spelled wrong even though i've checked a hundred times. isn't that annoying. and interesting.

self:
you're interesting

person:
today later sleeping all the time etc., you?
we were just talking about you or someone like you
he said lovey lovey lovey lovey and you're swapping brains so?
youre maybe in a painting
crawling out maybe until then duller than fuck
youre probably fascinating just say whatever you think of it's all I do. easy. people like repeat it as many times as it takes to be fascinating hahahaha
um modeling is the dull job

self:
i have been painting scenes for a christmas play at my parents' church. i feel like i should mention am not affiliated with any church other than painting. i have been attending substance abuse group meetings. i like them. i am the token guy who doesn't like to open up and talk and cry, but i like hearing other people do it. i feel like i should mention i like it in an empathetic way, not for a sense of schadenfreude. the meetings are group-mandated because i got a DWI. i still like them though. it's made me realize that if i got a DWI my control of substance abuse is probably less than i used to believe. i mostly abuse drugs to forget feelings of inferiority or insecurity. in the group meetings i have claimed to have used no mind or mood-altering substances since i got the DWI. my willingness to lie is probably another sign. it's a good experience. a comradery of sorts. i feel like i have avoided old and new friendships because i have avoided drugs. i don't know what to do with people other than get fucked up. i also attend therapy sessions because i have some retarded perception of my body and my worth and my guilt associated with food. i am on antidepressants. i have extreme mood swings. binging and restricting. my freshman year of college i had a crush on a bipolar chick. my sophomore year i had a crush on a bipolar guy. i didnt plan it like that. i stopped going to real college and started going to community college. i have no idea why i'm in college. i havent registered for next semester of college yet. i don't care and i have very little drive or motivation. i'm a member of the apathetic youth. my priorities are all fucked. i tried to find a job and move out, and i was going to move in with a friend who has struggled with substance abuse. i would really like to live with him though, i think we could either be a strong benefit to one another or we would both die. i think maybe it's a good thing i didn't get to move because we would both die. but maybe later we can be a support system. my strongest motivation for wanting to move out was so i could go die. not suicidal, just die a little bit. i am also bisexual, but i don't feel like this a facet of my personality. i don't want sexuality to define me, because if i cared so much about sexuality i wouldn't be bisexual. i feel like i lack identity, because i have yet to figure out who the fuck i'm supposed to be or what i'm supposed to do. my mother found out i smoked weed with my 14 year old brother and lost her shit. so pissed. it was his weed though, so i can fool myself into thinking i'm not a horrible influence.


i really like this song.

i like all sorts of music. i like listening. i think individuals who listen to "electronic" (heavy beatz) music are looked down upon because it has the connotation of vapidity. maybe that's just my fucked up perception or maybe i have precise perception. maybe vapidity is what i'm looking for. maybe. i like sad/mellow songs with heavy beats to put me in a trance and let me think about nothing but the intricate mess of the song.


i know this song is terribly overplayed and cliche, but this chorus is fucking awesome. in my opinion.

i'm drinking coffee. once i wrote "think less, talk more" on my mirror. motivation.

ok the end. i dont really know why i did that, but i have an idea.

-brandon

ELTON JOHN IS SO GOOD!

I love him. Hey babies! Boy are y'all in luck tonight. I'm selling some stuff. You blog readers get first pick. I know you'll love these exclusive items...

1. Burton Feelgood 2003 (bindings and boots not included) - 50.00
2. Shitty Squire electric guitar (comes in white only) - 10.00
   Now this item needs some tender love and care. Lots of it.
3. Beautiful, wooden entertainment center (missing entire back panel) - 25.00
   I stained this one myself and it seriously looks awesome. The missing back makes it convenient for hooking up gaming systems and all that shit.
4. Pair of old rusty skis (includes boots and poles) - 20.00
   Never been skiing? Want to try but don't know if you'll like it? Don't pay a million dollars...
5. Tietenberg and Lewis, Environmental & Natural Resource Economics, 8th ed, '09 - 50.00
   Hardly ever been used! Great buy!
6. Anything from Caroline's Heaven (coat closet) - 0.00 or best offer

These are our LOWEST PRICES EVER, folks. Call now while supplies last!

Actually, anything in my apartment can be purchased for the right price.

Man, I really love Elton John lately. I said that already.


grlfrnd

"There's happy blues and there's sad blues..."

I made a myspace profile. I gave in. It's a music one though. I only did it because imeem is now merging with myspace and that's the only way I can keep my music up. If you'll notice our Songs To Drink By playlist is nowhere to be found... Those pigs. Anyway, I'll not be uploading as much content. myspace.com/isuoxy

I wrote a lot of new songs! It's the end of an age, my friends. At least for my kind. I love all y'all. Haha! It's neat that a handful of you read our blog. It really flatters us even though we would never say that. Gotta be cool. Well I'm speaking for myself.

This has been one of my fave songs ever since high school. I just found this video and I think it is just lovely.



_____: have you ever thought about not running away from it?
_____: no.

woman.

Boo Boo Bee DOO

Oh my goodness. Blog. I have some stories to tell. I am so high. You have no idea. I mean, yes, I said I was quitting the use of illegal or restricted substances. And yes, I am getting high one last time. Well, all of that could be totally false for all I know because I am SO HIGH. I'm so paranoid that I am being judged at this very moment. Tonight was a good night. I met a hottie. A semi-queer broken social scene boy. Also me and Jeremy went on an epic quest. Near misses with the fuzz, terrifying service station scenarios, throwing arbitrarily chosen names around. So we are driving past the popo and Jeremy is spilling his drink and shifting late and dropping cigarettes and he just goes, "OOO SUUUSAN" in the deepest, gayest voice ever. Then we went to a service station for like the third time within twenty minutes and all the people there are black and they hate us and won't stop staring. But now I realize that I was staring at that cashier for like the ENTIRE time for real. That's why she was acting weird. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my god that is funny. Oh shit I took some vids. That sounds like a drug but really its not. I dont know why I'm telling you people this. OH shit I heard some seriously awesome metal tonight. The band is called something like Grave Yard Wind or something really stupid with at 'w' and anyway they are so good. OH FUCK I would LUV 2 take a bath rite now. How good. OH well. I really wish the 'oh' would stop being caspitalized. Oh my god Lucas just came to the door with his friend and I had to be normal. Do you know what normal looks like when you're high? It looks retarded. Normal is retarded when you're high. I am just broadcasting this to everyone. HAHA. I am high on Jesus and life.


I made a video. I just really think that picture expresses how I feel.

Grli

new favorite choir

i don't know what's up with their name, scala and kolacny brothers. i could look it up but i'm too lazy.

winter

HE WAS MELTING
HE WAS MELTING

boy

You Know Who

Communication is not my forte. Nothing is really my forte, haha.

I don't have to say who you are.

massive luxury overdose

xx: i wish i was dead.
xx: i want hard drugs.
xx: alcohol is boring.
xx: pot is boring.
xx: oxys are dreadfully boring
xy: agreeeeed
xy: i almost dislike oxys.
xy: almost.
xx: yeah.
xx: i would do them if they were just given to me and i was super bored already
xx: but i mean im certainly not going out of my way to get them
xx: my experiences with prescription medicines have been less than satisfactory so far
xx: i want real things.
xx: illegal things that will kill me.
xx: i ask jesus for those things but hes such a bitch.
xx: i heard a joke today and it goes: why do chicks like jesus so much?
xy: why?
xx: because hes hung like this (stretch out arms like you're crucified)



boy

it was REYUD velvet trim andninnit fit me guud

this song really inspires me to be a fancy whore. i've decided that i want to be more androgynous. long term goals. i just cut my hair. i only shaved the side for now, but drew out some blueprints. i totally have a vision but cutting your own beavertail to look more skunky is a lot harder than it sounds. i think i might wear my reba shirt to school today. i wish i had a satin dancin' dress.

yesterday i straightened my hair and wore a denim jacket and some cowboy boots. i looked like a girl and it was a total success. a total success in attention-whoring and self-esteem boosting. i am 95% confident the number of goofy statistic teacher smiles exceeded the average.

she handed me a heart shaped locket that said
"to thine own self be true"
and i shivered as i watched a roach crawl across the toe of my high heeled shoe

identity crisis boy